Time: 8:45
Where: Gynaecologist offices
On this Friday morning, with mixed feelings hanging over my head, motion sickness, anxiety, excitement, we started another new journey.
I walked into the office, not knowing what to expect. Thinking back now, I think my heart was pounding so hard, it might have caused an earthquake. Obviously the doctor wasn't as nervous as I was, so one of us was thinking clearly. (Thank goodness)
After receiving the news that we will not conceive naturally and that we will have to do insemination and receiving all the steps, a list of meds, when to take them, how to take them, a schedule, a price list and allot of confusion I stepped out of the doctor’s office. It felt to me I had to take on the world with all this news that I have just received. I know some people went through more difficulties and much more disappointments, but at the end of the day, no woman/couple wants to go through something like this. Every woman would like to life their fantasy, the big, white wedding. Having great sex with the man that she loves. Pee on a stick, and wham bam you’re pregnant and the whole world loves you and everything is just peaches and roses. Well, we discovered that this is not the case. And you should be a fool if you think this is how it works. Maybe, for some couples, but not for us. At least, now I know that all is worth the wait, money, etc, etc. But then you had no freaking clue. And who do you talk to, because only so many people truly understand.
So, with a prescription as long as my arm I went into the world. Paid R1000.00 for 4 injections and totally understand how it must feel to be a junky. Injecting certain times of the day, only certain days, in all sorts of different places, in my stomach, in the bathroom of a restaurant. (Getting my fix)
Then still popping different pills any other day. It was hard work and allot of calculation to get this cycle on track and then of course keeping it on track.
And with every injection, almost internally freaking out, because, what if I’m doing it wrong? How should I know what the right way?
Just so much confusion. And fucking scared.
While doing the meds and injections and going for regular check up to see if everything is on track, like is the eggs available, etc, etc. I tried also to keep my body as clean as possible, call it a green house if you dare.
There’s allot to keep in mind when building the puzzle when conceiving, obviously you need one healthy, perfectly round egg and one perfectly shaped sperm, with head and tail. After the fastest, fittest sperm wins, he still needs to meet up with the egg. Then the sperm needs to break the very protective barrier around the egg, enter the egg and voila you have a fertilized egg. But that is still only the beginning. That fertilized egg still needs to attach itself to the uterus wall, which in the mean while has been thickening itself to welcome this egg. Now, of every piece of this puzzle there is some sort of pill to pop. And then another to keep the uterus wall thick, you pop some more. Cherry on the cake, this is only about 3 days of the whole 21 day cycle. So there is more popping before this process and some more popping after this process. Just to reach the end of this process and find out that the corner piece of the puzzle is missing and you need to rebuild the whole fucking puzzle again. So, I hope you get the idea.
I walked into the office, not knowing what to expect. Thinking back now, I think my heart was pounding so hard, it might have caused an earthquake. Obviously the doctor wasn't as nervous as I was, so one of us was thinking clearly. (Thank goodness)
After receiving the news that we will not conceive naturally and that we will have to do insemination and receiving all the steps, a list of meds, when to take them, how to take them, a schedule, a price list and allot of confusion I stepped out of the doctor’s office. It felt to me I had to take on the world with all this news that I have just received. I know some people went through more difficulties and much more disappointments, but at the end of the day, no woman/couple wants to go through something like this. Every woman would like to life their fantasy, the big, white wedding. Having great sex with the man that she loves. Pee on a stick, and wham bam you’re pregnant and the whole world loves you and everything is just peaches and roses. Well, we discovered that this is not the case. And you should be a fool if you think this is how it works. Maybe, for some couples, but not for us. At least, now I know that all is worth the wait, money, etc, etc. But then you had no freaking clue. And who do you talk to, because only so many people truly understand.
So, with a prescription as long as my arm I went into the world. Paid R1000.00 for 4 injections and totally understand how it must feel to be a junky. Injecting certain times of the day, only certain days, in all sorts of different places, in my stomach, in the bathroom of a restaurant. (Getting my fix)
Then still popping different pills any other day. It was hard work and allot of calculation to get this cycle on track and then of course keeping it on track.
And with every injection, almost internally freaking out, because, what if I’m doing it wrong? How should I know what the right way?
Just so much confusion. And fucking scared.
While doing the meds and injections and going for regular check up to see if everything is on track, like is the eggs available, etc, etc. I tried also to keep my body as clean as possible, call it a green house if you dare.
There’s allot to keep in mind when building the puzzle when conceiving, obviously you need one healthy, perfectly round egg and one perfectly shaped sperm, with head and tail. After the fastest, fittest sperm wins, he still needs to meet up with the egg. Then the sperm needs to break the very protective barrier around the egg, enter the egg and voila you have a fertilized egg. But that is still only the beginning. That fertilized egg still needs to attach itself to the uterus wall, which in the mean while has been thickening itself to welcome this egg. Now, of every piece of this puzzle there is some sort of pill to pop. And then another to keep the uterus wall thick, you pop some more. Cherry on the cake, this is only about 3 days of the whole 21 day cycle. So there is more popping before this process and some more popping after this process. Just to reach the end of this process and find out that the corner piece of the puzzle is missing and you need to rebuild the whole fucking puzzle again. So, I hope you get the idea.
No comments:
Post a Comment