12 July 2010 - so, went to doctor to see if the mother of sist's has cleared. And.......................it HAS!!!!!!!!
I was soooo glad and then it hit me, what now? Then next step..........the unfamiliar.
Next step - keep clean as possible, look after yourself, because 30 July is my next appointment and we will be starting with Level 2 of hormones.
So I used this time as down time, time to make sense out of it all, and not drive myself in sane. And while doing this, I gave my husband some run for his money. We went to a Birthday party and guess who was drinking and who was the designated driver. YEAH!!! I had my turn. And it felt great to get a little sympathy.
While recovering the next morning from a slight head ache, I took everything that I had, all my courage, all my knowledge and started to live a life like a woman that wanted to have a baby and my body had to become a green house. So no more smoking, drinking. Eating healthy, exercising and getting more sleep. If I was to fall pregnant, my body had to be as ready as it could be.
Bring it on..................
Friday, 25 May 2012
9 July 2010
The time of truth has arrived. It was 2 weeks after the operation and I was on my way for a check up. While doing the sonar, there it was, the bastard!!!!!! Already, another 2mm sist.
Now, in some cases, sist's is a good thing. But in this case, it's not!!!!
And so another 2 weeks had to pass, using some more hormone treatment, before thinking about conceiving. The sist's had to be clean for us to carry on with treatment.
It's difficult going to the doctor, hopes held very high, and then being broken down again. Just to go home, face the demons in your head and mind. At your own time, try to rebuild that confidence, pick yourself up and carry on.
IT'S DIFFICULT.................
(Next apppointment 12 July)
Now, in some cases, sist's is a good thing. But in this case, it's not!!!!
And so another 2 weeks had to pass, using some more hormone treatment, before thinking about conceiving. The sist's had to be clean for us to carry on with treatment.
It's difficult going to the doctor, hopes held very high, and then being broken down again. Just to go home, face the demons in your head and mind. At your own time, try to rebuild that confidence, pick yourself up and carry on.
IT'S DIFFICULT.................
(Next apppointment 12 July)
Thursday, 24 May 2012
23 June 2010 - Operation time
So the 23rd arrived, and this was only the beginning. I had to be at the hospital very, very early that morning. And as it was my hubby battles to get up in the morning. Even so more this morning. As we received such good news the night before that he went on a bit of a celebration spree, and had a heavy head (because of the lack of sleep).
So, we got up that morning, drove to the hospital, filled in the heaps of forms and awaited our fate. When I awoke from the op, I had about 4 holes in my stomach that wasn't there before.
Doctor's results: All the sist's and endometriosis was burned off. Now to wait 2 weeks and do a sonar afain. After that we will decide the next best treatment.
Here we go..................
So, we got up that morning, drove to the hospital, filled in the heaps of forms and awaited our fate. When I awoke from the op, I had about 4 holes in my stomach that wasn't there before.
Doctor's results: All the sist's and endometriosis was burned off. Now to wait 2 weeks and do a sonar afain. After that we will decide the next best treatment.
Here we go..................
Baby Showers and things
One thing I have realized when thinking about babies, dreaming about babies, doing everything (that's legal) to have a baby, is this:
"We, as MAYBE-MOTHERS, do not like to be invited to babyshowers, baby/children birthday parties or anything that's got to do with babies. We do not want to be remembered as the sad woman sitting in the corner with the tears laying in her eyes. We do not want te be reminded that this will not be an easy journey, or sometimes even a pleasant one. This might not be destined for you at all."
I have had allot of ugly thought running through my mind with times, it's sad to say it or even terrible of me to think is. But it's the inevitable. And, believe you me, I have spoken with so many other ladies, just like me, and we all feel the same.
Questions pop-up like:
- Why do people have a baby if they do not want it?
- Why do some one deserve it more than me?
- What am i doing wrong?
- Am I not good enough?
And very few people understand this state of mind, sometimes no one understands it.
But keep on believing.............................
"We, as MAYBE-MOTHERS, do not like to be invited to babyshowers, baby/children birthday parties or anything that's got to do with babies. We do not want to be remembered as the sad woman sitting in the corner with the tears laying in her eyes. We do not want te be reminded that this will not be an easy journey, or sometimes even a pleasant one. This might not be destined for you at all."
I have had allot of ugly thought running through my mind with times, it's sad to say it or even terrible of me to think is. But it's the inevitable. And, believe you me, I have spoken with so many other ladies, just like me, and we all feel the same.
Questions pop-up like:
- Why do people have a baby if they do not want it?
- Why do some one deserve it more than me?
- What am i doing wrong?
- Am I not good enough?
And very few people understand this state of mind, sometimes no one understands it.
But keep on believing.............................
Baby names
This was my list:
GIRLS:
- Lee
- Casey
- Sam
- Katelyn
- Madison
- Jean (Juan)
- AbiGail
- Dominique
- Haley
- Cailin
- Elizabeth
- Courtenay
- Gabrielle
- Saskia
BOYS:
- Tristan
- Ethan
- Matt
- Tyler (Taylor)
- Alex
- Mason
- Ryan
- Cassidy
FINAL VERDICT:
- My beautifull CAITLIN
- My angel MEGAN
- My baby BIANCA
GIRLS:
- Lee
- Casey
- Sam
- Katelyn
- Madison
- Jean (Juan)
- AbiGail
- Dominique
- Haley
- Cailin
- Elizabeth
- Courtenay
- Gabrielle
- Saskia
BOYS:
- Tristan
- Ethan
- Matt
- Tyler (Taylor)
- Alex
- Mason
- Ryan
- Cassidy
FINAL VERDICT:
- My beautifull CAITLIN
- My angel MEGAN
- My baby BIANCA
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Soccer World Cup 2010 - The kick off
11 June 2010 - The Bafana-Bafana team played their first match, and they WON!!! the country was in total awe and this was celebrated with vuvuzela's in the street and South African flags flying with great pride everywhere. Even for a small town like ours, it looked pretty amazing and I could only imagine the atmosphere in the bigger cities.
There was also some celebrations happening at my home when I got there after work. Mr. V and some of his friends where watching the game and having drinks out on the deck. After some deliberation and a couple of phone calls, the women and children arrived.
With the cold winter weather outside, we warmed up snuggled next to the warm, crackling fire, drinks and good conversation. The kids, on the other hand was warming up, in our bed watching cartoons.
And, of course, when the night came to it's end, and the children being so adourable and everyone left. The night went quite, my husband and I laid in bed. And I just couldn't help myself, I felt the tears just streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably.
Will my husband love me if I couldn't conveice children? Will he still want me? What if he woke up in a couple of years, realising that his life is not full enough? What if he leaves me? Will our marraige survive this new venture?
That night I fell asleep on a wet pillow.
(If only I knew how many was still to come)
There was also some celebrations happening at my home when I got there after work. Mr. V and some of his friends where watching the game and having drinks out on the deck. After some deliberation and a couple of phone calls, the women and children arrived.
With the cold winter weather outside, we warmed up snuggled next to the warm, crackling fire, drinks and good conversation. The kids, on the other hand was warming up, in our bed watching cartoons.
And, of course, when the night came to it's end, and the children being so adourable and everyone left. The night went quite, my husband and I laid in bed. And I just couldn't help myself, I felt the tears just streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably.
Will my husband love me if I couldn't conveice children? Will he still want me? What if he woke up in a couple of years, realising that his life is not full enough? What if he leaves me? Will our marraige survive this new venture?
That night I fell asleep on a wet pillow.
(If only I knew how many was still to come)
A tearfull pizza event
10 June 2012 - I decided, what a better way to get my mind off things than a girls night with my sister and always supporting mother. But it ended up in a bit of a tearfull experience. Now that I think back at that night I am very gratefull for the very special women-rocks that God has given me. I only hope that I will be such a God given gift to my mom, my sister and my children. People, family included might not always understand what you are feeling and how you deal with situations, but these women never criticize.
That night I declared all my fears and worries, that only another woman will understand. Over a bottle of wine and great pizza shared with such loved ones, I left and felt ready for what laid ahead. Then not knowing what I know now, I would only be surprized at how much I will still need these ladies in my life. They truly are a great inspiration to me. And I love them with my whole heart.
That night I declared all my fears and worries, that only another woman will understand. Over a bottle of wine and great pizza shared with such loved ones, I left and felt ready for what laid ahead. Then not knowing what I know now, I would only be surprized at how much I will still need these ladies in my life. They truly are a great inspiration to me. And I love them with my whole heart.
Friday, 18 May 2012
My first appointment
31 May 2010 - I had my first appontment with this new gynae. At that time my only worry was to be there as early as possible, to be as fresh as possible. If only I knew what was still laying ahead.
We started the conversation with something like this:
- Gynae: "How's your health?" "For how long have you been trying to fall pregnant?"
- Me: "We have been trying for 3 years now."
After that, we did the check-up, the sonar showed a couple of sist's and endometriosis on my uterus. She was also very clear to let me know that normal pregnancy will not be an option. "After 3 years of trying, you have done all you could do, if you haven't fallen pregnant after 3 years, it will not happen normally."
"What was our next step?"
Firstly we have to get rid of the sist's by doing an operation and by burning the endometriosis off. Then hormone treatment for the endometriosis and then hormone treatment to fall pregnant, and then, maybe, pregnancy, and if it doesn't work the first time, we do it again, and again and again and and and again agaaiiiinnn.
What a lot of information to absorb first thing in the morning. What kind of news to give to my hubby and the rest of the family. And a lot of news for myself to deal with. Will this be okay?
So, got a "quote" for the treatments of making a baby. And so we shall start......
We started the conversation with something like this:
- Gynae: "How's your health?" "For how long have you been trying to fall pregnant?"
- Me: "We have been trying for 3 years now."
After that, we did the check-up, the sonar showed a couple of sist's and endometriosis on my uterus. She was also very clear to let me know that normal pregnancy will not be an option. "After 3 years of trying, you have done all you could do, if you haven't fallen pregnant after 3 years, it will not happen normally."
"What was our next step?"
Firstly we have to get rid of the sist's by doing an operation and by burning the endometriosis off. Then hormone treatment for the endometriosis and then hormone treatment to fall pregnant, and then, maybe, pregnancy, and if it doesn't work the first time, we do it again, and again and again and and and again agaaiiiinnn.
What a lot of information to absorb first thing in the morning. What kind of news to give to my hubby and the rest of the family. And a lot of news for myself to deal with. Will this be okay?
So, got a "quote" for the treatments of making a baby. And so we shall start......
Friday, 11 May 2012
The start of our journey
After getting married, settling in a house and deciding that we defnitely wanted children, our journey started.
It was in 2010 that we started giving more attention to falling pregnant. Our journey wasn't as long as some of our friends, but still it was a painfull, tearfull one.
I've been going to the same gynaecologist for most of my life and was constantly reassured by him that everything is fine and pregnancy we will have. That was still the case after tests has been done on myself as well as on my husband. But we just didn't fall pregnant. Even with the help of counting the days and all sorts of positions and teas, etc,etc. (You can just image) Coming home on day 13 of your cycle, not very impressed with hubby about something he did or didn't do and now the pressure is on, how much do you want to fall pregnant? Desperate enough to shag your husband even if your mood didn't alow it? Sorry, I just wasn't. So, of course, we skipped a few or so.
After chatting with one of my girlfriends, she just declared: "Why not go for a second opinion?" "What do you have to lose?"
In town there was a new gynae and I was knocking at her door. Why not? I have absolutely nothing to lose?
And so I had my first appointment with her in May 2010
It was in 2010 that we started giving more attention to falling pregnant. Our journey wasn't as long as some of our friends, but still it was a painfull, tearfull one.
I've been going to the same gynaecologist for most of my life and was constantly reassured by him that everything is fine and pregnancy we will have. That was still the case after tests has been done on myself as well as on my husband. But we just didn't fall pregnant. Even with the help of counting the days and all sorts of positions and teas, etc,etc. (You can just image) Coming home on day 13 of your cycle, not very impressed with hubby about something he did or didn't do and now the pressure is on, how much do you want to fall pregnant? Desperate enough to shag your husband even if your mood didn't alow it? Sorry, I just wasn't. So, of course, we skipped a few or so.
After chatting with one of my girlfriends, she just declared: "Why not go for a second opinion?" "What do you have to lose?"
In town there was a new gynae and I was knocking at her door. Why not? I have absolutely nothing to lose?
And so I had my first appointment with her in May 2010
At the beginning
A long, long time ago, around one of the perfectly decorated tables at my first wedding, sat my best friend, and my husband to be.
At that time we only knew each other as friends, never thought what laid within the future.
As my first marraige was crumbling, the only person that really understood how I felt and the only person that I could really talk to, was Mr. V. And so a friendship became a better, stronger friendship and ended up as my husband today and the father of my children.
So after the 2 of us moved into our first rent housy and started to live within a real relationship we also started with the normal misunderstandings and fights. We both fought a good fight and ended up as a stronger couple today.
Then one day we decided that we wanted children, but we're happy with our lifes the way it were. Therefor, we will stop using any contraception and see where it leads us.
On a glorious Sunday my parents came for coffee and raised the question about us having kids and not being married. "How can you show commitment to your children, if there's no wedlock commitment between mother and father?" "What will the children's surnames be?" Etc,etc. And they got us thinking.........
On my way to a farmer's market on a sunny Saturday morning, Mr. V came out of the bedroom announcing: "I think you must wear this?" I was OVER the moon. No farmer's market, just celebrations!!!!! Thank goodness, this after the ring has been laying in his cupboard for 8 MONTHS!!!!! I, of course, in secret, tried the ring on every chance I got. I was just to afraid that it wouldn't fit me anymore. But, IT DID!!!
We were getting married!!!!!!!!!!
We got married on 28 February 2009. Small ceremony, with big celebrations. Went to Mauritius for honeymoon. And was working hard on creating a family.
And so our journey started................................
At that time we only knew each other as friends, never thought what laid within the future.
As my first marraige was crumbling, the only person that really understood how I felt and the only person that I could really talk to, was Mr. V. And so a friendship became a better, stronger friendship and ended up as my husband today and the father of my children.
So after the 2 of us moved into our first rent housy and started to live within a real relationship we also started with the normal misunderstandings and fights. We both fought a good fight and ended up as a stronger couple today.
Then one day we decided that we wanted children, but we're happy with our lifes the way it were. Therefor, we will stop using any contraception and see where it leads us.
On a glorious Sunday my parents came for coffee and raised the question about us having kids and not being married. "How can you show commitment to your children, if there's no wedlock commitment between mother and father?" "What will the children's surnames be?" Etc,etc. And they got us thinking.........
On my way to a farmer's market on a sunny Saturday morning, Mr. V came out of the bedroom announcing: "I think you must wear this?" I was OVER the moon. No farmer's market, just celebrations!!!!! Thank goodness, this after the ring has been laying in his cupboard for 8 MONTHS!!!!! I, of course, in secret, tried the ring on every chance I got. I was just to afraid that it wouldn't fit me anymore. But, IT DID!!!
We were getting married!!!!!!!!!!
We got married on 28 February 2009. Small ceremony, with big celebrations. Went to Mauritius for honeymoon. And was working hard on creating a family.
And so our journey started................................
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